Services

My Counselling Service

The following is an outline of some of the main issues that I work with. In line with most other counselling websites I have described these issues under separate headings although in fact many people who attend counselling may struggle with more than one, or a combination of these issues.

Couples Counselling.

Couples come to counselling for many different reasons . No two couples are alike even when they arrive with what seems like similar issues .Each couple will differ in how they experience the problem and in how they attempt to cope with or resolve it.  So each couple, with the support of the therapist will make their own unique journey towards healing and reconciliation.

Underneath the fighting or silence will often lie feelings of hurt, insecurity and resentment. being misunderstood or unappreciated or betrayed or simply not being heard.

 What I offer for couples who come to my Couples Therapy Practice

 A safe space to express the difficulties hurts or wounds in the relationship that have caused problems.

 An opportunity to express your hopes fears, and desires for the kind of relationship that you want  Often couples want to return to the kind of closeness that they had in early days of their relationship.

 I will work with you to identify what you may need from your partner to keep to help make that happen and perhaps more importantly to identify what you may need to change or grow into yourself to make this happen.

 Help to communicate better with less fighting and arguing and in that sense to complete unfinished business with each other

 Benefits of  couples counselling maÿ include

 Having the support of a therapist working within a common safe space to express difficult feelings and emotions and to say difficult things

 Allows you the couple to stand back from your despair and anger and gain perspective and find hidden resources and renewed hope.

 Getting constructive feedback from the therapist about what is happening in your relationship and what you can do to address this

 The expression of long suppressed feelings and emotions of anger or resentment can help begin the healing process.

Anxiety and Panic attacks

Anxiety can be described as the mental health issue of our era. It is estimated that one in five Irish people suffer from anxiety at some point in their lives. Clearly a certain amount of anxiety is useful as it prepares us before an event such as an exam or a driving test, and we expect this. But when anxiety effects us in the performance of everyday tasks, in the workplace, or prevents our enjoyment of social situations, and starts to follow us around then it can begin to have  a negative effect on our lives, perhaps damaging relationships, causing us to avoid social situations and preventing us from enjoying our lives. Anxiety can also be associated with feelings of shame or even depression as we lose more control over how we feel.  

Bereavement and Loss

The Death of a family member or loved one has or will unfortunately affect every adult at some point in their lives. The finality of death may leave us with feelings of loss, puzzlement anger, or resentment depending on the circumstances of the death. We may have had time to prepare for the death (in the case of terminal illness) or it may be sudden and there is little or no time to prepare. There may be financial implications. Our sense of personal identity may even be affected. There is no right way to grieve. Often after the funeral is over, there is pressure to resume our normal life and even to suppress much of our feelings less others might be uncomfortable. Of course although the death of a loved one is the most profound form of loss, however other forms of loss can also impact greatly on us. Loss of a relationship after a divorce, loss of youth and vitality as we grow older. Loss of work through retirement or redundancy, are other examples of how loss can affect impact on us.  Counselling can allow us the space to express our feelings around the loss in our own time.

Difficulties in Relationships

The word relationship here refers to our friendships and our relationships with family members, mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters and work Colleagues as much as Wife’s Husbands or Partners. The quality of our relationships will in many ways determine the quality of our lives. Almost everyone struggles from time to time with at least some of their relationships. However where important relationships have broken down or we have become estranged from partners or loved ones then it can begin to become unmanageable to struggle on alone. Or we may develop Co-dependent relationships where we need and are dependent on the approval of others . 

Depression 

Depression is usually not a stand alone issue, it is often accompanied by some of the other issues mentioned here such as feelings of isolation, of being unlovable and having little power over one’s own life. In fact this feeling of having little power to change ones situation, of being stuck with misery is perhaps the most difficult feeling associated with depression. Depression can have many causes, childhood rejection or wounding from a parent who was emotionally absent, having unrealistic expectations of ourselves which we may never live up to.  The inability to express some essential part of ourselves, leading to bottling up or repression of emotions and feelings; Or again depression may have little to do with our past but may be about something we are currently experiencing. The breakup of a relationship, losing our jobs, retirement, debt or financial problems or a combination of factors. Whatever the reason the response of the depressed person is often to blame themselves for their predicament. At the heart of depression often lies an insecurity about how lovable or capable we are. 

Career Service

Making good career choices is becoming more challenging in the internet age. Today there is more information than ever before and a seeming abundance of choice. And in spite of, or perhaps because of this overwhelming volume of information, there is still a demand for career counselling.  Making good career choices still requires self knowledge. Information alone will not be enough before we commit to a decision. There are numerous online career and personality assessment tools online which you can use to narrow down the field but even then and we still need to consider our own strengths and weaknesses, values, personality type, ability to relate to other people and overall suitability for a given profession. This is where counselling comes in. 

Work related issues

 We spend a high proportion of our waking hours in the work place. If we are not lucky enough to work for ourselves we will either be working for another person or within a larger organisation where we may have more than one boss Spending so much time in a situation with others which we have not freely chosen, where we need to follow orders and instructions laid down by others can in itself be a cause of stress. Or perhaps it is the reverse, and we need to issue orders and manage staff but struggle with this. Add in the pressures of targets, deadlines, unfair treatment by colleagues, or workplace bullying, as well as the fact that we may feel trapped by the necessity to earn an income and it is no surprise that issues arising in the workplace send many people to Counselling. 

Obsessive Compulsive disorder

 Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or OCD is a mental health condition that is usually associated with obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviour. The obsession often takes the form of an unwanted image, thought or urges that repeatedly enters a person’s mind resulting in anxiety. The compulsion is a form of behaviour or act that the person feels compelled to carry out in order to avert or undo the effect of the obsession. OCD is one of the most common mental health issues, it is estimated that 3 per hundred adults suffer from it and 5 per 100 children or teens. If you have persistent OCD it is wise to seek help as left untreated the symptoms may not go away. Treatment for OCD whether Psychotherapy or otherwise nearly always takes the form of gradual exposure to the triggers for the compulsions  

Self confidence, self belief, self esteem

 WE all have self belief at least in the basic sense that we all have beliefs about ourselves. We can call this view we have of ourselves our self image or self concept. But what these beliefs are and how we arrived at them and whether these beliefs are now serving us, are more fundamental questions. In fact changing a negative self image may be one of the most difficult pieces of work we will ever undertake.  Our relationship with ourselves is perhaps the single most important relationship that we are involved in. Although we associate the word relationship more with how we are getting along with others rather with than with ourselves. The current upsurge in interesting mindfulness for example is at its core about improving this relationship with ourselves through more self compassion allowing ourselves to feel whatever we feel without judgement and always with the end in mind of achieving greater self acceptance. 

Spiritual issues

The search for meaning in life is something that preoccupies many of us in some shape or form whether we are aware of it or not; We may find or create meaning partly through our work, or through our children and families, or through organised religion or through creative activities such as art, writing poetry or playing music. Or if we do not find it in these ways, we may attempt to find it through staying busy all of the time or even through behaviours such as, alcoholism, The lack of connection to something bigger than ourselves can literally make us unwell. So that the search for a greater sense of meaning or purpose in life is not simply something self indulgent but something we all need to work on if we are to live a full life

Loneliness and Isolation

While not a mental health issue as much as an existential situation which we can find ourselves in loneliness can also of course be both the cause of or result in such mental health issues. 

And can often result in feelings of depression or low self esteem.  . How do we find a way to reach out to others from our lonely place? And of course it is truism that we can be most lonely when we are surrounded by others. Loneliness can be as much about the inability to make real connections with other people as it has to do physical isolation or the absence of other people. Perhaps for those who have already suffered rejection in their lives the, fear of further rejection can ultimately cause greater hurt than putting up with the pain of loneliness.  

Men’s Issues in counselling

 It is sometimes said that men cannot express their feelings. It might be more accurate to say that men can find it difficult to properly express their feelings for what they really are. Since Suppressed feelings always emerge as something else. Grief can come out as rage, abandonment as delinquency, or violent behaviour under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Cultural expectations around masculinity often demand that men do not openly express feelings. Men may have issues around sexuality or around struggles with expectations of being the main provider in the home.

Research has shown that many men find it difficult to ask for help, which can be seen as admitting weakness or vulnerability. These rigid beliefs about masculinity may make it more difficult for men to open up even when they do seek help. The suicide rate for men in Ireland is five times that of women Of course men and women can, and do ,both suffer from all of these issues. Men are more likely to externalise emotional pain, by acting out, i.e. engaging in risky behaviour. As a male Psychotherapist and a man living in Ireland, I have seen at first hand the difficulties men can have around asking for help and in coming to counselling.